Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
