Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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