Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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