I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
