apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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