I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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