her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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