I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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