he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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