come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize