i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
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this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
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We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
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