woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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