I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
