i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize