508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
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the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
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I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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