I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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