She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
