What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Do vagina's smell?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
