she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
