That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
