They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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