Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
