hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
