I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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