Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
