so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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