she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
