So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
