Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
