There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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