he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
