You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
