I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
