So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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