i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
