I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
