I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
