Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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