Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Alive.
So much puke
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
