How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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