I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
