Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
