your parents love me but you hate me
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
