just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
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I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
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I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
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