nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I will pee on everything he values.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
