Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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