I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
