i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
