you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I don't deserve a penis
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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