everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
