I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
