rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
