I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
