everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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