I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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