break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
