Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
