you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
