my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
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If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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